Issue 120   Nov/Dec 2000

The day of our much-awaited rendezvous arrived. I packed my bag, closed my appointment book, shunned the piles on my desk, and inched toward the door, hoping the phone wouldn’t ring before I could steal away.

I had planned a getaway with the one I loved, and I would let nothing stop me—not the “to do” lists; not the projects; and not the unanswered letters I could almost hear screaming, “No! You can’t leave us here! There’s too much to do! Wait until you have more time, when it’s more convenient—later!” But I resisted their pleas and snuck out the door.

As I arrived at the retreat center, peace descended upon me like sunlight casting golden shadows upon the hills. Cool white stucco buildings greeted me. A courtyard garden blossoming with pink roses beckoned.

After I unpacked my bags, I delayed no longer, meeting him by the fountain in a quiet corner of the garden. I sat down on the stone bench of this outdoor sanctuary, my heart and body weary.

“It is so good to be here, so good to be alone with you,” I whispered as hot tears trickled down my cheeks. My watch suddenly felt heavy and binding, like a handcuff. I slipped it off and relaxed in the comfort of his presence. The guilt that had hounded me before I came—torrents of thoughts about all I should be doing and how selfish I was to take this time away—no longer bound my heart as I heard him whisper, “I have been waiting a long time for you to come.”

Too long. It had been much too long since I had come away simply to be with my First Love. Although I spent time alone with God every day, I had begun to approach our morning meetings as any other appointment: something to check off my list before rushing on to the next duty. Even while we met, I would catch myself planning my grocery list, deliberating over a problem, or thinking about my next engagement rather than truly listening to Him.

Seldom had I approached our time together of late with the desire and eagerness I would have had for an earthly lover, someone I could not wait to be with. I had not made enough time to rest quietly in God’s presence, listen to His voice, or read His Word as love letters to relish rather than textbook chapters to learn.

The Secret of Passion

When I took my first personal spiritual retreat, I discovered a secret: Just as husbands and wives who interact daily still need time away to revitalize their love, so we, too, need extended time with the Lover of our souls to nurture our passion for Him.

In traditional wedding vows, we vow not only to serve but also to love and cherish our spouse. Similarly, God has betrothed us to Himself (Hos. 2:19 ). We are Christ’s bride (Rev. 21:2 ), and He is our Husband (Is. 54:5 ). As in any marriage relationship, He wants not only our service but also our love and affection.

In our productivity-driven society, slowing down just to be with God is not easy. A personal spiritual retreat can seem like an unproductive use of time or even an indulgence.

Jesus, however, modeled the importance of intentionally taking time to be alone with God. Before He began His public ministry, Jesus spent 40 days in the desert. Though the crowds cried out for healing, pulled at His robe, and begged Him to come to their villages, He frequently stole away to a quiet place to commune with God (Mt. 14:13 , 23 ; Mk. 1:35 ; Lk. 6:12 ).

Not only did He spend time alone with God, He also instructed His disciples to “come with me by yourselves to a quiet place” (Mk. 6:31 ). How much more do we need time in a quiet place with God to reorient our lives around what He—not the world or even our closest friends—tells us is most important?

A Day in His Courts

Taking a personal spiritual retreat not only invigorates our relationship with God, but—most important—it honors Him. The blessing we offer God through our undistracted devotion is more meaningful than whatever we might receive from Him. When we have no agenda other than waiting upon Him, it tangibly expresses our conviction that He is worth our time, that we love to be with Him whether or not we receive anything in return.

Theologian Edward Schillebeeckx writes:

In a revealed religion, silence with God has a value in itself and for its own sake, just because God is God. Failure to recognize the value of mere being with God, as the beloved, without doing anything, is to gouge the heart out of Christianity.

When God calls us to slow down and sit before Him in silence—whether He prompts us to take an afternoon or a few days—we must be willing to obey, even when it feels uncomfortable or inconvenient. On a personal spiritual retreat, we cultivate the spiritual discipline of waiting upon God. As our “soul waits in silence for God only” (Ps. 62:1 , NASB), we discover that “a day in [His] courts is better than a thousand outside” (Ps. 84:10 , NASB).

Common Questions

Here are some of the questions people commonly ask about taking a retreat and some tips to help you get started.

Where should I go? Though you can take a spiritual retreat anywhere you can find solitude—even in a quiet corner of your backyard or a park— at some point I recommend planning a retreat at a convent, monastery, or some other retreat center. I look for locations where I can avoid the temptation to interact with others or run errands, and I especially enjoy places where I can walk and enjoy nature.

Over the past 12 years, I have visited a wide variety of retreat centers—from a simple abbey in the countryside where cloistered nuns reside to a large mansion on an orange grove where guests eat gourmet dinners. One of my most memorable retreats was at a hermitage perched 1,000 feet above the Pacific Ocean. I slept in a cabin, ate vegetarian meals prepared by the monks, and relished spectacular views of God’s creation as I walked each day.

Most retreat centers have simple rooms and shared bathrooms. Yet regardless of their size or location, the quiet spiritual atmosphere (as opposed to a hotel) helps me focus upon God.

If you are unable to stay at a retreat center, perhaps a friend has a secluded cabin or vacation home you could use for a few days of solitude.

What should I bring? Pack light. Don’t bring stacks of material that might distract you. On my first retreat, I brought five books to read, a pile of letters to write, a Bible study to complete, and more! I now recommend bringing a Bible, a journal, and perhaps a devotional guide or reflective book on deepening our intimacy with God (see suggestions on the following page). Pack your most comfortable clothes, an extra sweater (some rooms may be drafty), shoes for walking or hiking, and a blanket to sit on outside if weather permits.

How long should I plan to stay? I’d encourage you to begin with as much time as you can reasonably spend (keeping in mind, of course, that you’ll always have urgent tasks that will tempt you to put it off.) If you can initially spare only a few hours, that’s a great place to start. Or you might try beginning with one day, such as a Saturday or Sunday. If time alone in silence is new to you, a spiritual retreat may feel scary and uncomfortable. Thus, you may not want to plan a weeklong retreat your first time out.

I’ve found it usually takes me two or three days to quiet my spirit and to become still enough to listen to God. But on a longer retreat, sometimes I also experience great temptation to flee the silence and return to activity after several days. It’s easy to get antsy with such a drastic change of pace and activity. Yet I’ve found that when I resist my urge to leave, God often reveals deeper truths about me and about Him, helping me know Him in a fresh way. Some of my greatest times communing with God have come only after I have resisted the urge to “cut and run.”

What should I expect? You may head into your retreat with specific issues or pending decisions you want to discuss with God. But as much as possible, try to leave your agenda at home. He may want to address something totally different from what’s on your mind—something you’ll only understand after waiting on Him and asking what’s on His mind. Let go of your expectations of receiving a “word” from God, getting an area of your life totally resolved, or having a burning-bush experience.

God may reveal unexpected, amazing things. Or He may just want to stoke your desire for Him, quietly showing you the simple joy of sitting at His feet. Think of your retreat as a rendezvous with God, a time simply to be together with Him.

Try not to think of your retreat as an opportunity to cram a month or a year of quiet time with God into one weekend. A friend of mine who was feeling distant from God took a retreat only to find herself frustrated and disappointed. She later reflected that perhaps spending a whole weekend with God after many months of sporadic devotional time was like trying to run a spiritual marathon without training. If you have been feeling distant from God, look at your retreat as a time to get reacquainted, as you might do with a loved one from whom you feel distant.

What happens after I arrive? You’ve unpacked your bags and sat for a few minutes soaking up the quietness. Suddenly, you have an itch to call the office to check your voice mail. Try to resist these temptations to do something “productive” or to communicate with others. Remind yourself why you have come and who is waiting to talk with you. Before you leave, ask your friends and family to pray that God would help you to be still before Him and draw you into deeper intimacy with Him.

I like to begin my retreats by walking around the grounds. I pray that God would open my heart to His plans and open my ears to His “still small voice” (1 K. 19:12 , KJV). As I walk, I also ask God to show me what I can learn about Him from creation. Just as Jesus often used elements of nature such as fig trees, sparrows, and mountains in His teaching, so God often teaches us through His creation as well. I carry my journal with me to record reflections along the way. I also look for pleasant places to sit, so I can return to them later with a book or sketchbook (in my more creative moments!).

One of my favorite aspects of a retreat is having long, uninterrupted blocks of time to read the Word. It provides a rare opportunity to enjoy reading leisurely through a book of the Bible in one sitting. If a verse or passage especially speaks to me, I’ll write it on a file card and meditate upon it as I stroll the grounds. Or perhaps I’ll do a word study on an area in which I need encouragement (such as hope or trials) or on an attribute of God’s character (such as His goodness, compassion, or faithfulness).

After lunch, I might take a delightful, guilt-free nap! A friend of mine who recently returned from a few days at a monastery mentioned that he spent most of his time catching up on much-needed sleep. God cares not only about our spirits but also about our bodies. A retreat can provide refreshment for both soul and body. Without a heavy schedule, retreats also provide an ideal time to fast.

In the afternoon or evening, I may browse through the library, find a spot outside in which to reflect, or curl up in a cozy chair to read. Sometimes, I sense God prompting me to write a friend who needs a word of encouragement or someone from whom I need to ask forgiveness.

Finally, at some retreat centers the sisters, monks, or staff practice a variety of different kinds of prayer, such as contemplative prayer, lectio divina, reading Scripture aloud meditatively, or chanting the psalms. In most cases, everyone is welcome at such meetings. Though these had not been my typical prayer practices, I have been wonderfully surprised by the richness and depth of these forms of prayer. Some retreat centers also offer spiritual directors who are trained to offer counsel, prayer, and guidance for those taking personal retreats.

Time Well Spent

However I spend those precious days or hours, I always seek to be open to the Spirit of God. Most important, taking a personal spiritual retreat enables me to enjoy undistracted time with my First Love.

Though taking a retreat takes time, effort, and a bit of courage, I’ve never regretted the investment. Ironically, all those things that demanded my attention before leaving lose their grip on me during a retreat. I often return to my responsibilities with fresh perspective, greater discernment regarding God’s priorities for me, and the strength to do what He’s called me to. For “in returning and rest you shall be saved. In quietness and confidence shall be your strength” (Is. 30:15 , NKJV).

About the Author

Stacey S. Padrick is a freelance writer. She is currently finishing her first book on spiritual formation, which will be published by Bethany House . Stacey serves as a prayer leader at the City Church of San Francisco.

Regarding this article, Stacey writes, “In Protestant culture, a retreat usually involves a weekend full of activity. Though such retreats can encourage our spiritual growth, I’ve found that private spiritual retreats deepen my intimacy with God in a whole new dimension.”